THE YEAR OF SADNESS

THE YEAR OF SADNESS



It was once said that "no man is an island". And how true that is. None of us is alone. No matter where we come from, or what we develop into, we have a web of our social contacts—whether family or non-family, who are important to us and to whom we are also important.

For the more fortunate, as we grow older, the web not only increases in size but in strength as well, as we interact with people throughout our lives, strengthening the bonds that bind us.

Yet in abiding by the very nature of this earthly life itself, we are bound someday, after the many typical and probable ups and downs of life, to face the great and even terrifying hardship of having to endure the loss of any one (or perhaps more) of our beloved. For, as it is said many times throughout Allah's Book: "every soul shall taste death". (s. 3, v. 185)

This life is a testing ground by which Allah separates the hypocrites from the true believers. And the requirement for one to be a true believer is that he believes in and submits himself to Allah's will, and that he loves Allah and His Messenger more than this life and anything in it, including the fruits and pleasures of this life.

If any of us were given two plots of land to choose from on which to build a home to live in-one dry desert land with no trees or life, the other full with the life of fresh greenery from a plentiful source of water—which would you most likely prefer? The analogy could be applied to our final eternal abode—the choice between heaven and hell, the choice between an eternal abode of bliss and ever-flowing rivers or an eternal abode of torment and thirst. Most of us immediately would respond "Yes! I want eternal bliss! A residence beside which flows a non-ending river."

But how to attain that? The road to achieving this ultimate goal is not an easy road. We will find many obstacles along the way, which serve to either strengthen us and prove our faith, or to weed out the weak hypocrites.

Allah says: "And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits…" (s. 2, v. 155).

Then it goes on to reassure us of the reward for patience:

"…but give glad tidings to the patient. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return." (s. 2, v. 155-156)

It goes on to describe those who are patient, and further stresses their grand promise of reward (and surely, Allah does not relent on His promise):

"They are those on whom are showered with blessings and forgiveness from their Lord, and they are those who receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones." (s. 2, v. 157)

It is never easy to be remaining in this life after someone you love has had to take his lone trip to the Lord. Throughout any trial we may pass, it is helpfully reassuring to realize and remember that we are not alone in our pain, that we have not been singled out for our loss. Although it does not relieve us of the pain, it is helpful for us to perhaps tolerate it better and hence move forward into a new "normal" for our life to realize that others have in the past and are also simultaneously going through similar or perhaps worse hardships than what we ourselves face today.

Prophet Mohammed(SAAW) had a very difficult year in the beginning of his reception of the message of Islam. To back up even further, his whole life was one difficult obstacle followed by another, beginning with his orphaned state at a very young and tender age. This all served to strengthen him and prepare him for his mission to come, all the while giving us invaluable lessons by which to mold our own lives.

The most difficult time that he(SAAW) passed through came to be known as "the year of sadness". It was at this time in history of the Arabs that there had not yet been established the practice of numbering the years for the marking of the passage of time, as we know of it today. This practice did not truly begin for the Arabs until the event of the formal migration of the Muslim Nation to Madinah. Before that, the passage of time in terms of years was marked by giving the year a name, identifying it by a particular outstanding event that occurred during the year, such as the year of the elephant, the year in which prophet Mohammed(SAAW) was himself born. Such goes for this year which occurred early in the prophet's mission, "the year of sadness". It was during this year that his first wife, Khadijah, and his uncle Abu Talib, both died. Khadijah supported him with her resources of money and reputation when he himself had little or nothing. She reassured him and was a constant comfort to him when all others forsook him. She was the only one of all his wives that was blessed to produce for him children. She was the first, second only to Mohammed(SAAW) himself, to accept the message of Islam-the first of all Muslims to join the prophet(SAAW) in humble submission to Allah in prayer. He also suffered the loss of his uncle Abu Talib. After the passage of his grandfather who raised him since his orphanage at the tender age of six, Abu Talib ever so lovingly took the young Mohammed(SAAW) into his heart and home, giving him equal, if not better, treatment than his own children. It was Abu Talib who often interfered with protection for

Mohammed(SAAW) and his early followers when the local Meccans (particularly the Quraish, from which Mohammed himself descends) began not only to reject them and their message, but also to persecute them for their religious preference. And yet for Mohammed(SAAW), the passage of his beloved uncle Abu Talib was a double blow. Not only did he die, but it is recorded that he died refusing to pledge allegiance to Mohammed(SAAW), refusing to state the declaration of Islamic faith. This proved to be immensely difficult for Mohammed(SAAW), who remained with his uncle through his last breath, witnessing the heart-breaking refusal of his uncle to state the declaration of submission in Islam.

As if these two losses of the two closest persons to Mohammed(SAAW) was not enough, he also suffered the humiliation of rejection from the people of Taif. When he realized the high instance of rejection among the Meccans and the rise of the persecution of the new Muslims at the hands of the Meccans, Mohammed(SAAW) took to spread his message to the people of Taif, in the hopes of better reception. Not only was his message rejected, but he was humiliated to be literally chased out and back to Mecca by the people of the region taking to throwing stones, etc.

A strong and overwhelming wave of depression set down upon him. The arch-angel Gibreel (AS) presented himself unto him, offering to destroy the region (i.e. the Taif area) by pounding the two mountains together, destroying all life between them. We are told in the Quran that Mohammed(SAAW) is a mercy to the world. Out of his Islamic nature of mercy, he refused the option of his deserved revenge, stating of his hope and prayer that there might eventually emerge believers out of that region. With his rejection at a chance for revenge, he also mercifully saved all other life from death and destruction.

It was shortly after these incidents which caused the great sense of sadness in the prophet's heart that the chapter of the Quran titled "Yusuf" was revealed. The tafseer of this chapter tells us that one of the important and outstanding qualities of this chapter is that is a source of healing for those overwhelmed with sadness. Hence, it is an excellent therapy for healing for one who is inflicted with great sadness to recite or listen to beautiful recitations of this chapter.

Patience is an essential quality of which we are promised great reward. It is not an easy quality to acquire. It takes strong dedication and determination to attain. But it is indeed humanly possible, with the help of Allah.

We are told in the Quran: "O you who believe! Seek help in patience and prayer. Truly, Allah is with those who are patient." (s. 2, v. 158)

Perhaps the surest way to attain patience in particular at the time of tragedy or calamity is by humbling one's self in submissive prayer to the Creator. The prophet(SAAW) used to request of Bilal-the first mu'addhin of the Muslim Nation-to pronounce the call for the prayer when he felt so overwhelmed by the sadness afflicting him in that year of extreme sadness. He found a solace in the prayer that he could not find elsewhere in any other situation.

In taking his(SAAW) excellent example to heart, we too should seek that same solace in prayer and communication with our Creator.

After having gone through two recent tragedies in my own life-I can vouch for the fact that indeed the prayer and remembrance of Allah much is the only way to pull yourself through it with any sense of sanity and hope left in you.

Several months ago, my father died of lung cancer. When I last saw him two years ago on my last visit to the US, saying our goobyes at the airport as I was ready to make my way toward the plane to bring me home to Saudi Arabia, I had this odd pang strike my heart-a premonition, if you will-that I shall never see him again. The sensation was so strong that I could no longer look him in the eyes. And I know he felt the same thing, even though he never mentioned it to me. He avoided me as strongly as I avoided him. When his illness, which had temporarily peaked off after the initial rounds of combined chemo and radiation, suddenly took a turn for the worse, I immediately made arrangements to travel in hopes of seeing him one last time. Oh, how I wished and prayed and willed for that premonition to be a false alarm-silly women's intuition. And it did seem so at first. Even thought the final test results were still several days away, and the Dr. himself had not mentioned about the urgency of his condition, I just knew that his life was spiraling away. Fast. Everyone in the family seemed so optimistic-especially Mom. Hindsight tells me now that she really sensed it too-she was just apparently in denial mode, out of the fear of the depths of sadness she would be in once left for the remainder of her life without him. It was only one week from the time I sensed the urgency of his illness and made my reservations until that final date of flying. But it was never meant for me to see Dad once more-nor for him to see me. My flight was scheduled on Monday. Dad passed away on Sunday morning, only ten minutes after I talked to him one last time-telling him how I loved him, reminding him of God, and letting him know that it's OK now-OK to let go. Didn't want him to be facing his last breath and thinking about me. He had already said his official goodbyes to everyone the day before, and had even mentioned my name to them all, telling them to tell me that he was sorry that he would not be able to wait for me before he had to go.

Alhamdulillah. We come from Allah, and to Him is our return. (s. 2, v. 156)

Now, only four months after losing my father, I have lose my precious grandson. He suffocated on the smoke fumes of a fire in the house. Apparently, he tripped and could not get up to run out in time. His own mother and the other grandmother each ran several times into the smoke-filled room in search of him, but they could not find him from the thickness of the smoke. Local fire department personnel who were first on the scene came ill-prepared, to boot. No gas masks, no flash lights, no water hoses or tanks-so they could do nothing to put out the fire nor could they really even do anything to save the victims still trapped in the house. The victims that did get out eventually had to do it all on their own-my daughter-in-law included- by the grace of Allah. The only one remaining was my precious two and a half-year-old grandson. He was found later when the fire was finally doused and someone finally brought a flashlight to the scene. After receiving a frantic call from my daughter-in-law, I appeared on the scene quite early. But I myself could do nothing to save my darling little "Azooz". A terrible turn of events for him and for me-for the whole family indeed. Always, before this, he could rest assured to find safety and security in my arms, if he didn't find it elsewhere. I was always there to provide the comfort, safety, and security that he needed. Even as a young babe, he would calm down and even sleep in my arms when he would cry from everyone else. Although our time together was actually quite short, we connected together on a different wave-length apart from everyone else. But not this time. I could not provide for my darling AbdulAziz the safety and security that he needed. It was Allah's plan that he die so young and innocent-free of a record against him.

Alhamdulillah. Surely, we come from Allah, and to Him is our return. (s. 2, v. 156)

Truly, I am ever thankful to Allah for all things. As for my father, he lived a long and full life. We had many memories with him. He was blessed in that he knew his end was coming, and he prepared for it in his own way as he felt best at the time. He got the chance to say goodbye to his loved ones-something that so many of us do not get. And I had the reassurance that I had my own private time with him on the phone, as I was the last one to speak to him from this world, excepting for Mom. As for my darling AbdulAziz, his death was a real hard shocking blow to us all. Alhamdulillah. But we gather reassurance in remembering that he was taken at a time in his life when he was not yet held accountable for his deeds. He was still an innocent child, therefore guaranteed of the promise of Allah's mercy in the heavens. We still pray diligently for His mercy upon our baby. He was saved from any future torment or failure in this life. And his death itself was a rather merciful death, for he suffocated on the CO, of which it is reported that the victim merely falls into a coma sleep, and then death comes along painlessly. Alhamdulillah.

An odd coincidence-my own daughter-in-law (AbdulAziz's grieving mother) comes from a family originating from Taif. The young woman, as well as the whole family, is a fine practicing Muslimah. She is even a 'hafizah' of the Quran, mashaAllah. And she was raising and training my beloved AbdulAziz in the finest Islamic manner. May Allah bless her with many more fine children, and may He have mercy on my dear AbdulAziz, and may He mercifully heal our aching hearts and fill the great void.

It has been a difficult time, to say the least. For me, this has been the year of sadness.

Of all the trials I have been through in my life, this has been truly the hardest. As a grandmother, I feel the guilt that I could not save my grandson. As a mother, I have had to deal with the guilt and pain of watching my son and his wife having to endure such pain. AbdulAziz was their first-born. A terribly difficult blow. We mothers try to absorb pain for our children. But I could not absorb this for them-which makes it even harder-to stand by and observe their pain-merely aching along with them.

Alhamdulillah. We are from Allah, and to Him is our return. (s. 2, v. 156)

Ah-so true are Allah's words-Verily! In the remembrance of Allah is comfort for the heart!(s. 13, v. 28)

Prepare yourselves for any calamity to come at any time. Don't scream, or rant and rave. Be sad-yes-that is only human. But be aware of the test at hand-be a true believer. Be patient and say: "We come from Allah, and to Him is our return." (s. 2, v. 156)

And then seek patience, solace, and comfort in prayer and remembrance.

For me, I have had to reflect often on the example set for us by our beloved prophet Mohammed(SAAW), when he himself resorted to prayer and remembrance for the healing of his own heart. And to realize that there is no harm in feeling and expressing the sadness, while at the same time appeasing to Allah with words that hopefully please Him.

As we have in his(SAAW) example when his own son Ibrahim died in infancy-one of the companions noticed tears rolling down his cheeks when it came time for the burial. And he commented on that, saying…are those tears, O Messenger of Allah? And he(SAAW) responded something to the effect: "The heart is saddened, and the eyes shed the tears, but we say nothing on our tongues other than what pleases Allah. Surely, we shall miss you, my dear son Ibrahim."

We become sad. That is human. But to be patient and remain calm and remembering Allah and giving praises to Him even at time of calamity, that is the true test.

I only pray that Allah will mercifully bless me and my family with the reward for being patient or trying to be patient at this most trying time. I pray that we will be counted and testified among the true believers. And I pray that we can all take the important lesson to be had from all of this, and that we can apply the lesson to the remainder of our lives.